Steroids Make Me Sick

Literally.

Considering I am immunocompromised, it is a lot easier for me to get sick.

I have been feeling sick for the last few days, hoping I didn’t catch a cold.  But it looks like I have caught a cold.  I feel like crap.  I’m taking Zicam in the hopes that it will do as promised and reduce the severity and duration of my cold.

This is supposed to be my vacation.  And because inconsiderate people choose to infect anyone and everyone with their filthy germs, I have to miss out on a nice time.

Anyway, you know what else makes me sick.  The car rental industry’s misunderstanding of what makes a reservation and the inconsiderate people who don’t return their cars on time (thereby making someone else lose their reservation).  Those people who don’t return rental cars on time are probably the same people who go out spreading their sick germs.

I’m rambling because I had made a car rental reservation long ago.  You know, so I can actually get a car (for my boyfriend to drive) while we’re in Florida on vacation.  I called the rental place this morning to be sure my car had arrived.  He said he didn’t have the one I rented, but he could give me a different car.

We arrived and there were no cars in the lot.  WTF?  We go inside and the guy said only one person returned their car and they managed to lock the keys in it and he couldn’t open the car.  That sounded fishy that he wouldn’t have another key, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

My brother asks about the cargo van sitting in the lot and he tells the guy I’ll take it.  We were both shocked.  The guy says I can take it if I want.  Of course I don’t want a cargo van. But he said as soon as he gets another car returned I can swap it out.

So I reluctantly take the van.  And there was issues with the out of state license and credit card and my bf driving, so I ended up having to drive.  Good news, I did drive a couple of miles to my mom’s house successfully.  Yay!  It was a straight line down the road, but I haven’t driven in a long time.  Baby steps.

So I called the rental place for the next several hours waiting to hear if anyone returned their cars.  No one would answer the phone.  I’m guessing the guy ran out of cars and stopped answering the phone because everyone was pissed.  I don’t really blame him, but that means I am stuck with a cargo van until Monday at the earliest.  Grrr.  I guess at least I have a vehicle.

I don’t like being sick!  And I don’t like driving cargo vans!

Merry Christmas and I Hate Facebook!

First of all, Merry Christmas!  Happy Chanukah and Kwanza and Festivus and whatever else you choose to celebrate this time of year.

Facebook scared the crap out of me.  My friend sent me a Facebook invitation.  At the bottom, it had a section “Other people you might know on Facebook:”

And it listed people I knew.  But it wasn’t like it was a group of people who would be related somehow.  These people don’t know each other.  So how does Facebook know I know those people?!?

So I sent Facebook a very angry email.  I thought they must have hacked into my email contacts and found my friends.  I told them I know they must have invaded my privacy somehow and I demanded they tell me how they did it.

However, I think I know how they did it.  I did some googling and people with Facebook accounts can import their email contacts into their accounts.  I’m guessing Facebook held on to the name of everyone who imported my email into their account, then they just waited to surprise me with all my other friends.

Well I feel kinda violated.  I don’t like it.

And you know what?  I was going to get a Facebook account so I could see my friends’ photos, but Facebook freaked me out.  A little too much big brother going on in Facebook.  So no Facebook for me.  Sorry friends, no photo viewing.

Stupid Sore Throat

I am not feeling well today.  Could be getting sick.  I frequently get sick after air travel.  Surrounded by people who aren’t nearly clean enough or considerate enough to keep their germs even mostly to themselves.

Some of you thought I was a germophobe before.  Ha!  Now that I’m immunocompromised, I’m even more so!  Still not at much as my sister though…

Anyway, I have been laying in bed most of the day, feeling mostly like crap.  I don’t think I’m relapsing though, because to test myself, I walked a straight tandem line successfully, then walked it backwards successfully.  Couldn’t do that with HE symptoms!  Couldn’t even do that a week ago.

I hope I didn’t catch a cold.  Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

Obama is Trying to Kill Me

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. – Thomas Paine

I just woke up to the reality of the health care debate that has been going on for the last year.

Are Obama and Congress out of their minds? They want to create national health care, which sounds like a great idea. But did they do their research and find out that it doesn’t work well for other countries? People in Canada and Europe have to wait months just for a dentist appointment! My dad had to wait 18 months to get cataracts surgery (he lives in Europe).

Think about it. If all the people who normally wouldn’t have gone to a doctor (due to not having insurance, or high costs, or whatever) go to a doctor, that’s a hell of a lot of people who will now be making appointments. There just won’t be enough doctors to see all those people in a reasonable time.

And if everyone is paying the same amount to see the doctors, then wouldn’t everyone want the best? So appointments with good doctors would be almost impossible to get. Perhaps those really good doctors would just stop taking insurance altogether and then only the really rich who could pay cash would be able to get the best healthcare. Which is exactly what is already happening.

What about those of us in America in the “young people with crazy illnesses who are otherwise healthy club”? I can’t wait 6-18 months or more for treatments. I could die! And I don’t want to get stuck with the crappy doctors. Again, the dying thing. My so-called “Cadillac health plan” has saved my life. And now it looks like I won’t have that option for much longer.

Let’s talk about the American Dream. Let’s talk about why we came to this country in the first place. Has everyone forgotten about “No Taxation Without Representation”? If 50-70% (depending on the source) of Americans are against this Senate Health Care bill, then why the hell does it look like it is going to pass?!?

Can you say “tyranny”?

Ok, so why am I so upset? And why is Obama trying to kill me? Well the nature of my disease requires quick response, and unique and expensive treatment. If this bill goes through, I’ll be put in line with everyone else from the common cold to cancer. I won’t be able to get to see the specialists quickly like I need to. Again, I could die!

I don’t want to sound like I am against the poor having health care. However, I worked hard my whole life to go to college and get a good job so that I could have good health benefits. Sorry of I sound like I have a delusional sense of entitlement, but I think I should get the benefit of faster treatment and higher quality health care. I worked for it!

Didn’t all of us who went to college go because we wanted better jobs, more money and better benefits? We don’t live in a communistic country. In this country, we are supposed to be able to work hard and reap the rewards of that for ourselves. Obama wants us educated folk to work hard and get taxed harder so others can reap the benefits of our hard work. How does that sound fair? How does that sound like America?

Oh but don’t worry, Obama says those of us happy with our private health care can keep it. The biggest joke is that Obama claims that it is the employer that will have to pay the additional taxes on the private health care, not the individual. Ha! As if
employers will just happily cut into their profits to cover the 40% tax. That will all come down the line to us workers. Probably in many job cuts. Probably in no longer offering those great health plans that make us even want to work for the company in the first place.

So I just spent (wasted) a lot of time writing to senators begging them to not let this bill pass, begging them to help save my life. I need good insurance!

Fortunately, my company has already planned out insurance for next year. My out-of-pocket costs have gone up, but I still have the options/freedoms of all the specialists. And I believe I will (for a while, at least) get my speedy appointments.

So I just have to go into remission by the end of next year. And I guess never get sick again…

Home Sweet Home

I went ahead and told the airline I needed wheelchair assistance.  Why risk any heart problems by overdoing it walking through airports?

Mornings are always rough for me, lots of nausea and shaking.  So I wasn’t doing the greatest when I got to the ticket counter.  They got the wheelchair for me and wheeled me through security, then to the gate.  I didn’t appreciate all the people staring at me.  And I guess the nervousness from all the people staring made me shake even more.  I could barely even hold onto my ticket.

I got to board the plan first, with all the other people in wheelchairs.  It was nice not to be rushed because I did need the extra time to get down the aisle and get my little bag situated under my chair.

Then it was Xanax time.  Even feeling healthy I don’t like planes.  So I took a Xanax.  I felt nice and relaxed on the whole plane ride.  I even fell asleep a few times.  And I was able to handle the landing without any anxiety.  That has never happened before.  Normally I’m a total wreck just before the landing, but this time it was no big deal.  I guess Xanax works.

Once I arrived in Dallas, I waited to deplane last.  I saw a wheelchair outside the door to the plane, so I sat in it and waited.  No one came for me.  The pilot said he would push me up the jet bridge.  Talk about full service… I was then carted to my gate by one of those Passengers with Disabilities Assistance Carts.  The service was great.  I was then able to board the next flight, again with the other wheelchair folks.  I took another pill to be able to stand the second flight.  I slept through most of the flight, then finally landed in Florida.

The wheelchair assistance lady helped me off my flight in yet another wheelchair, even offered to take me to the bathroom (which I declined), helped me get my bag from baggage claim, then took me to my mom’s car in the airport parking garage.  I have never gotten such great service from American Airlines before.  I guess I have finally realized one benefit of having a disability.

It was really great to see my family.  Like, REALLY great.  For a little while with my illness I actually thought I might die, so that really made me miss my family.  Seeing them and being with them is pretty amazing right now.

I’ve just been chilling.  I’m actually relaxing.  I’m also doing a bunch of research on HE.  I’m focusing research today on treatment differences from different countries.  It feels good to not have any stress right now.  [long, satisfied sigh]

The IRS are Criminals

I just got a letter from the IRS stating I made a mistake on my 2007 return.  They are billing me for the amount of the mistake plus interest from 4/15/08 – 11/12/09. 

Yes, they are charging me interest for the past year (plus a month in the future) for a mistake they just informed me about.

After looking over the paperwork, I agree that I made the mistake.  My employer never sent me my W-2, and it is ultimately my responsibility to make sure I report all my income. 

So I will begrudgingly pay the $542.00.  However, I think it is totally unfair to charge me interest when no one found the mistake until now.  Especially to charge me interest for a month in the future!

A bunch of criminals they are!

At Least It’s Not a Brain Tumor

I know I keep promising to post my trips to Florida and San Diego.  And every day, I have the intention to do that.  I just have to type it up and upload some photos…

However, I seem to be spending all my time lately in the hospital or in bed.  These “recurrent complex migraines” are getting worse.

Now, in addition to the numbness, headaches and nausea, I am unable to walk due to dizziness. I fall down almost every time I get up.  I sucks like you can’t even imagine.  I feel like I’m going to vomit every moment.

I finally got the MRI and CT scans done, and it showed nothing abnormal.
That’s good in one way, but the bad thing is that I think the doctors are not taking me seriously because they can’t “prove” that I’m sick.

They ask me these leading questions, insinuating that I am exaggerating my symptoms.

These people have no idea how much pain and discomfort I can actually take.  I am into rather extreme sports after all… Prior to this, you could often find me sparring with a worthy opponent or climbing a mountain somewhere…  You think I would let some mild headache slow me down?

If these doctors knew me at all, they’d know they have to take this seriously.  Hopefully I will have more luck with the neurologist that I get to see in a week.  Can you believe one has to wait 3-4 weeks to see a neurologist in this town?

To make matters worse, I obviously have not been able to work.  I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do.  I guess I’ll call HR.  This is so crappy.  I’ll let you know what happens.

It Could Be A Brain Tumor

Since my migraine disaster at work a few weeks ago, I have been feeling incredibly sick ever since.  I’m having pounding headaches, debilitating nausea and irritating numbness in my face and arm.

I kept thinking it would go away, but I finally decided to go to the doctor.  They acted like I was stupid.  “You’ve been having nausea and headaches for two weeks?  Why didn’t you see a doctor sooner?!?”

I replied that I thought it would go away.  The vast majority of headaches and nausea do not last forever, so with each passing day it became increasingly likely that it would go away.  Duh.

Anyway, the doctor agreed that this is not normal.  So not normal in fact, that he suggested several possible causes…

“Well,” he said, “it could be a brain tumor, or a tumor on your thyroid, or epilepsy causing low-grade seizures…”

Holy crap.

So now I wait to be called by a neurologist to start scheduling tests and scans.

You’d think I’d be nervous or anxious.  But I’m in so much damn pain and discomfort that I almost hope it is a brain tumor, so they can cut the damn thing out and let me start feeling better!

So that’s why I haven’t been blogging recently.  I still have to upload my pictures and stories from Florida and San Diego.  Hopefully I will have time and the physical capacity to actually do it.

Whisked Away at Work

Have you ever had one of those moments when you know something is wrong, but you keep looking around to see if anyone else notices something is wrong?

Yesterday, I was at work, sitting at my desk.  I was going over some data on my computer, and my vision started to blur.  I kept rubbing my eyes, thinking I was tired or something, trying to snap out of it.

My vision started getting more and more blurry.  I started getting dizzy, and I kept looking over at my co-workers.  Eventually I couldn’t see them anymore.  So I said, “Could someone call the fire department, because I don’t feel so well.”

I work in a secure area, so the company has their own firefighter/paramedics.  About 5 or 6 men came to my cubicle with all sorts of equipment and started hooking stuff up to me, pricking my fingers, and asking questions.

It was really overwhelming.  I guess my pulse started going up.  They asked if I was nervous.  I said, “Of course I’m nervous!”

They told me that I was probably dehydrated.  They gave me some water and told me if I didn’t feel better in an hour, they would come back and take me to the hospital.

After they left, I felt incredibly embarrassed.  I sit in a large office area, so people saw the big commotion, and I had to explain it by telling them I hadn’t drank enough water that day.  I felt pretty stupid.

After about half an hour, my vision started getting a bit better, but an intense headache started coming on.  Soon after that, my body started going numb and I was loosing color in my fingers.  So I decided to call the fire department back. 

This time, even more people came out.  They hooked me up to an oxygen tank, an IV, and several monitors.  The city fire department came so they could take me to the hospital.  At this point, there were 11 men huddled around me with at least 6 medical kits.  It was quite the spectacle.

Then they wheeled in the gurney to take me to the fire truck.  Oh god…  I begged them to let me walk to the truck, but they insisted that they weren’t allowed to bring me any other way.

So I was wheeled down the main hallway at work, with many firemen in tow.  That hallway appeared so much longer than usual, as I passed all my coworkers, looking on in concern.

We made it to the hospital, where a slew of more tests were performed.  And probably 6 or 7 thousand questions were asked and answered, again.

They gave me a bunch of medicines intravenously, which made me feel a little floaty.  I ended up falling asleep.

Finally, the doctor came in to give me his diagnosis.  He told me I had a really bad migraine (his words were more scientific, but that’s the gist of it).  Apparently, the first symptom of a migraine is commonly blurry vision.  He said the numbness can also be explained by migraines.

The medicine he gave me treated the symptoms of migraines.  I was feeling quite a bit better at that point.  So he gave me a prescription to take if I ever get those symptoms again, and he sent me on my way.

For those of you who know me well, I’m not the type to go to the hospital unless I think I’m dying.  So it took a lot for me to get the nerve to call the fire department.  However, I now understand how bad migraines can be, so I have a revived appreciation for modern medicine.

Worst Few Months Ever

Sorry I have been MIA for the past few months, but I have had just about the worst few months you can imagine.

First, my job has been hell.  I have been putting in no less than 50 hour weeks for the past few months.  People keep telling me, “Well, at least you get paid for the overtime…”

I don’t want the overtime!!!  I would pay my bosses for more free time!  I took yesterday off, and that’s the first day off I have taken in a while.  I can’t tell you how much I needed a day off… Sigh.

And with all this hard work and overtime I have been logging, solving the program’s multitude of technical issues, you’d think I’d get some appreciation… Ha!  You’d be wrong.

The floor supervisor hates my guts and has made it her mission to ruin my career.  It has been absolutely the worst working environment I have ever experienced.

And I’m not the only one crumbling under her iron fist either.  One of my co-workers summed it up quite nicely when he told me, “Ever since I started working on this program, I’ve hated my life.”

Nice, huh?

Oh, and don’t think my “worst few months ever” stops at my job.  My fiance and I broke up.  Yup, the wedding’s off.

Is it in poor taste to keep a wedding dress if you never got to wear it?  I don’t really know what the etiquette is in situations like this.

Anyway, it totally sucked.

Hey, don’t think my “worst few months ever” is over just yet.  I saved the worst for last.

In the midst of dealing with a manager from hell, the dissolution of an engagement, and moving to a new home… the love of my life (my little dog, Sheena) passed away.

I have had my little Sheena since I moved out of my parents’ house.  She was absolutely the best dog in the world, and it was incredibly painful to lose her.  I knew she was old and she would eventually pass, but I never realized how hard it would be.  There’s a huge hole in my heart.

So that sums up my “worst few months ever”.  Now here’s the good news:

I have gotten a different job.  Same company, but different program.  It can’t possibly be as bad as the one I have been working on.

I’m single again, and partying.  I’m going dancing on the weekends, hanging out with friends, and generally having a great time.  And my townhouse is fantastic.  I LOVE my new place.

I’m still not over the loss of Sheena, but I’m trying to pay more attention to my other dog, Miso.  Miso took Sheena’s loss hard, too.  I’ve been thinking about getting Miso another friend, maybe a kitten.  We’ll see.

That is my past few months in a nutshell.  Hopefully I will be blogging more often again.

I’m headed to Florida next month, then San Diego.  So I should have a lot of good things to blog about.  Later!